


Fool me twice

by DaftDays



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Canon-Typical Violence, Execution, M/M, Unrequited Love, guilty feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-13
Updated: 2014-08-13
Packaged: 2018-02-13 00:01:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,136
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2129400
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DaftDays/pseuds/DaftDays
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Levi disobeys a direct command from Erwin only twice in his life. The first time it happens on the battlefield, the second as he watches Erwin standing at the gallows, a noose around his neck.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fool me twice

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote most of this sometime around April I think but I never got around to edit it but now that I did (thank you chapter 60 for the kick) I realized I don't really like this anymore and it's kinda... well. Decided to publish it anyway just because it's finally finished.
> 
> tl;dr this is old, read at your own risk.
> 
> Seeing that this was written before the relevant chapters of ACWNR came out this isn't exactly canon compliant. Even so, contains spoiler-ish things for ACWNR.

”They are dead, Levi. There is nothing you can do anymore.”

Levi hears the words and while he recognizes them, understands the meaning with clean cut precision, they don't sink in. He won't let them, he can't, he doesn't want to and he knows that if he does he will go mad. They flutter around him in the air, trying to get in, trying to force him to understand and he wants to swat them away but he can't, his hands are occupied elsewhere. He is so afraid of going crazy, or he would be if he could think, of going mad with guilt and regret. He has never wanted to feel like this again, he has sworn himself that he won't, that the choices he makes are ones he won't regret. Yet here he is, his head swimming and legs trembling and the monster of guilt and regret trying to eat him alive from within.

There is blood on his hands and he can't scrub it off. Levi has tried, oh so hard, and he tries again, stares at his wrinkled fingers and grabs the soap once more. Rubs it over his fingers and palms and scraping his fingernails against it to make sure there is nothing sticking to his nails or underneath them. The water in the basin is slick with soap already but he doesn't care, or he doesn't notice, and he pushes his hands in and tries to wash the soap away. It clings to skin like tar, like the blood he can still see even though he has washed it off long ago, it's still there and it burns his skin and all the way to his soul, burns like nothing else he has ever felt before. It's bitter pain but Levi welcomes it, wishing that it would burn so all over his body because he deserves nothing less.

His hands are still slippery as he reaches for the soap once and this time almost drops it, and then there is a hand, a bigger hand with long, calloused fingers and skin less pale than his own, a hand that gently but firmly grabs his and takes away the soap and Levi lets it go because he knows he can do nothing else. Those hands pull him away from the washing basin and lather some clean water on his skin before engulfing his numb, wrinkly hands into a coarse towel. It sucks the water off his skin, leaving his hands only a little damp but somehow deformed. They look like a titan's, Levi notes as he stares at them, and finally he has to wrap the towel around them for good because he can't bear to look at them anymore. Maybe if he can't see his hands the blood on them will go away.

All too soon one of the larger hand takes away the towel and hangs it to dry. Levi watches the towel go, all silent, still trying not to look at his own hands because surely they are still the hands of a monster. The larger hands, both of them come back, the strong fingers grabbing his chin and his head is suddenly tilted backwards, and for a moment all he can see are two eyes so blue he thinks that maybe he is actually looking at the summer sky.

But no, it cannot be. The sky is as warm and inviting as it is beautiful and these eyes, while beautiful too, are hard and steady and looking at Levi so intently Levi doesn't know how much longer he can take it.

”It's my fault”, Levi says, his voice steady and unwavering but also quiet and flat. He has nothing else to put in it, nothing but regret and fear. The fear is new, it hasn't been there always, but the touch of those hands on his skin sparks it, and Levi knows it's not for nothing. He has a reason to be afraid, a good one, and so he steels himself, waiting for the blow that he knows is about to come. He deserves nothing less, for doing what he did.

”Yes, it is”, Erwin answers. He says it so simply, so sure of himself and with so much conviction there is no doubt he is right. It is not an easy thing to say but he says it anyway and his eyes never leave Levi's as he does. He can see the pain and guilt swimming in the grey depths and the spike of fear his words cause, it's all too clear despite the mask Levi wears, the mask he tries to force to stay on. And no matter how much he wishes to look away he knows he can't. This is a valuable lesson, for both of them, and Erwin can't let it slide.

It's harsh and Levi wants to be angry, wants to tell Erwin he can't say things like that but he can't because Erwin is right. He is right and he has all the right to say anything he wants and Levi will listen, maybe bristling inside but still quiet, and finally he nods and closes his eyes for just a little, to get away from Erwin's stare for a little while. It is a mistake and he knows it, he knew it even before closing them, because the only thing he can see is the titan as it grabs a young woman with red hair pulled into pigtails as she flies through the air and without paying any mind to her curses and yells it stuffs her into its mouth and bites down hard until there is nothing but gurgled screaming and blood and gore and some of it splatters on Levi's skin. He is close, so close, but he is too far away to help yet it is still too close. The screams get stuck on his skin even tighter than the blood.

Levi opens his eyes only when he feels a heavy hand place itself on his shoulder. His gaze flicks up to seek for Erwin's but the older man is no longer looking at him and then the hand is gone too. This is it, Levi thinks, this is the moment he has been dreading, now more so than ever. This is the moment when Erwin finally lets him go, casts him aside as a useless soldier who only brings death with him.

The worst part of it is that Levi can't be angry at Erwin, he can't blame him, not when it is all Levi's fault. 

”It is indeed your fault they are dead”, Erwin says, his voice heavy but free of blame. He is not blaming Levi, he knows he doesn't have to. He only tells him the facts.  
”You defied my orders, ruined my plan and got two of my promising soldiers killed.”

Isabel and Farlan. Two of Erwin's most promising soldiers. To Erwin, they were always just that, soldiers and promises of hope and better tomorrow, but to Levi they were more. They were friends and they were family, they were all he had for a long time. Now he has the military and the wings on his back and he has a reason to live, but none of it quite makes up for the loss of only family he has ever known. The blood on his hands starts to burn again but he refuses to look down at them, at the hands that ruined everything. 

”You do not know everything, Levi”, Erwin keeps going. He has left Levi alone and now stands by the window where the light of the setting sun is slowly seeping in. It catches in Erwin's hair, perfect as always, and for a moment he looks like there is a halo on his head.  
”And that is why I give orders and expect you to follow them. There are more lives resting on your obedience than you know, and now two of them are lost.”

They are harsh words, burning like fire in Levi's ears but he stands up tall, almost grateful for the pain. It is better than feeling nothing.

And then there is silence. Erwin says no more, he only stands by the window and he looks like a dark silhouette against the dying light of the day and Levi can't tear his eyes away. A clock is ticking somewhere in the room and it's the only thing that marks the passing time as Levi stands still and feels like the world does as well, everything but the clock and the sun that's slowly setting, disappearing behind the walls and promising to leave them in the darkn. 

”If I gave you your gear and told you to jump out of the window, would you do it?” Erwin asks all of a sudden.

Levi doesn't even have to think about the answer. He nods even though he knows Erwin can't see it as he gives a simple sincere ”yes”. The question is strange and unexpected but Levi doesn't dwell on it, he doesn't need to, he has already given his word and he is speaking the truth.

Erwin is quiet again for a moment and still, so very still. It's hard to tell what he thinks about Levi's answer, and his face is no easier to read when he turns around. The light hides most of, it casts heavy shadows on Erwin's face, streaming in from behind him. Still, Levi finds his eyes, those blue eyes that regard him with the same intensity as before and as always, Levi feel both drawn in and the urge to flee. 

”And what if I told you to jump now? With nothing but the clothes on your back.” 

Levi's breath catches at what he feels is implied in the question. He doesn't hesitate for long, the silence only lasts one tick of the clock or one beat of his heavy heart, but Erwin hears it. Levi knows he does, he simply knows, the silence registers in the older man's ears much heavier than the affirmative answer Levi gives after catching himself. Levi knows and he curses himself for that little pause that should never have been there. 

Erwin sighs, and in the dim light he looks almost disappointed as he shakes his head.  
”Levi, you must not hesitate”, he says and the disappointment seeps into his voice as well, only for those few words, as if Levi has given him the wrong answer when he was hoping for something completely else. Hoping, but not really daring to believe he'd get what he wants. And when he speaks up again he no longer sounds disappointed, he sounds nothing but strong and firm and like the dependable leader Levi knows he is, now more than ever.

”When I give an order, you obey. When I tell you to jump, you jump as high as you can, and you will learn if it was high enough. When I tell you to stay put, you stay still like a statue until I tell you otherwise. You do not question my orders ever again. Not if you wish to live, and for others to do so as well.”

This time there is no way Erwin's words don't hit home. They pierce straight through Levi, pushing into his consciousness and into the raw wound inside him torn open by guilt and regret. They carve themselves into his skin where no-one but he himself can see them, like a brand burnt on him with a white hot iron. Those words linger on him and he clings to them as his lifeline, like a soldier clings to their last blade on the battlefield filled with titans. Those words promise hope to him, and relief, and freedom from his own mind, his own thoughts. They tell him that despite Erwin is displeased, even angry with him (and Levi knows he is, he can feel it radiating off the older man even though Erwin keeps his calm admirably), he is not letting Levi go. He is keeping Levi close, forcing him into learning from this, letting him see all the pain and grief and guilt his disobedience has caused, and once he has learned his lesson Erwin believes Levi will be stronger for it. And Levi believes it as well, at least for a moment.

”You will trust me and my judgement, and that way, Levi, we will win.”

Levi is not sure when his hands have curled into tight fists or when he has raised one of them to hold it tight over his heart in a salute so perfect it's almost painful to look at. He stays still, holding his salute well, and this time he doesn't hesitate as he speaks up.  
”Yes, sir, I will.”

In a way, Levi thinks, it is a needless promise, almost a lie, because he trusts Erwin already, more than any other human being left alive in this world. 

**

There are screams everywhere, screams and blood, hitting the walls and staining what is left of them, sticking to the stone. There are soldiers, and titans, and civilians, so many of them, so many Levi has lost count. Everything is a blur in his eyes, wind howling in his ears as he swoops up in a graceful arch supported by his gear. He lands with precision, blades first, slices into a titan's neck and then he is flying again, through the air, away from the falling monster, steaming blood sizzling on his cheek.

It is almost like a dance, a gruesome dance of life and death, with such simple steps. Aim, fire, kill. Repeat. Levi is good, but not good enough. They are still devouring humans, eating men and women and children left and right, and there is more, oh walls, there is so many. No matter how many times Levi sinks his blades to the thick skin, there is always more, always two to replace the one dead. 

A titan grabs a soldier at Levi's right and Levi changes course immediately. She's from Garrison, with short black hair and blood on her jacket and she is screaming, screaming so loud and Levi thinks it's good because as long as she can scream, she is not dead.

The screams die out three heartbeats before Levi cuts a piece of titan flesh and sends the beast stumbling forward, the woman still in its hand, both dead. 

It's because Levi pauses to look that he gets caught. 

Aim, fire, kill. Don't breathe, don't pause or you'll die. An enormous hand appears out of nowhere and tangles with his wires. Levi grunts at the unexpected pull on his harness and curls in a tight ball as he lands on a roof of a nearby building, rolls away from the danger. He hides behind a chimney and tries his gear, attempts to fire the hooks again to get away but it is all in vain, he has no hooks anymore. His gear is broken, useless, and his limbs, all of them, ache from the fall. His blade were cut as they hit the roof and he has only three left, and the titans keep coming. He is too high to jump down and hiding in the chimney would be yet another suicide, he wouldn't get anywhere with his gear like this.

He is fast and strong, and agile too, but the next building is way too far for him to jump to. Levi yanks at his gear, pulls it off him and lets it crumble to the rooftop. The titan is right there, then, a hand coming down to grab him and Levi jumps and rolls, his back screaming at him, but he is safe for a few more seconds. Not for long, though, he knows it all too well. The titan is not giving up, it's trying to grab him again, empty eyes staring at the small soldier standing on the rooftop with no gear like a turtle without its shell, with nowhere to hide. Levi glances at the edge of the roof and calculates the distance. A definite failure, but he will rather die trying than simply let the titan have him.

When the hand comes down the next time Levi uses of his three remaining blades to slice off its fingers. The monster yells and stumbles, not quite as distracted by the pain as Levi has hoped but even this little is fine. He runs along the rooftop and to the edge but when he is supposed to jump, his legs stop. He stops on the edge and stares down, four five six floors at least. He is high, so high, and he knows it will kill him to fall from here. He knows, and his body won't let him go.

”Levi, jump!”

The voice rings loud and clear through the dying screams of people and animals and titans. It's exhausted, Levi can tell, but he can still hear it over everything else going on. He hears it, and he doesn't miss a beat, doesn't hesitate even a second. His legs, his own legs he couldn't force to jump, leap off the roof as if he still has his gear on him and the jump carries him through the air just as a large hand, still bleeding, smashes the roof from where he has just been standing.

The air feels different somehow now that he has no gear. The ground pulls him differently, nothing works the way it's supposed to. Levi is falling and there is nothing he can do about it, no hooks and wires to carry him away. His free fall feels like it lasts forever, like he's been in the another life time when someone grabs him. A man almost twice his size, his normally so perfectly arranged hair now a mess, blood on his face, his sky blue eyes full of clouds. He is holding Levi without much effort, only letting go once they are safely on another rooftop, far enough from the titans for now. 

Levi stumbles a little as he is let go and immediately he feels Erwin's eyes on him, assessing him, scanning him for injuries. He has a cut in his arm but it's nothing serious and his hands and knees are still aching, but other than that he is fine and Erwin shouldn't worry about him. His eyes flick up to meet Erwin's and as they do, Levi notices something, a little change in the way they look at him. He can't quite put his finger on it but something is different, and despite the battle still raging on around them he feels a shudder run down his spine.

Finally, Erwin nods a quiet thank you and that's all Levi needs. Thank you for trusting me, he reads from that little nod, you did well. It's all the praise Levi would ever ask for, and he knows he would take a hundred leaps of faith more just to see that nod again, that look in Erwin's eyes as they look at each other. His heart forgets to beat for a while and quietly Levi thinks this must be the most inappropriate time to fall in love.

”Take his gear.”

Levi's eyes follow Erwin's words to remains of a soldier on a roof, a pair of legs and bits and pieces of a torso, gear still intact. 

When he looks back, Erwin is gone already, flying through the air, blades catching the mocking sunlight and reflecting it around him as if he is some kind of a divine being, glowing bright and pure even in the middle of a battle. Levi doesn't have the time to watch, though, he pivots and rushes to the remains of a corpse to pull the gear free and then strap it on himself. He tests it and everything seems to work, and without a second thought he fires the hooks and dashes towards the next titan in a futile hope to save at least a few more lives.

Not all of them make it home. Out of the many who were, too few remains as they ride through the gates as the bells signal their arrival. Levi rides with his head held high, the gear that is not his still attached to his belts, a cut in his arm slowly bleeding into the makeshift bandage they made out of his cravat. It disgusts him, to use it for such a brutal purpose, but he can't have blood running all over his arm. He ignores the yells and the questions from the people surrounding them and only focuses on Erwin's wide shoulders and back in front of him. It's more than enough to ignore the screams and cries of those who fail to find their loved ones, of those cheering or yelling at them, the wide eyes of the children and scrutinizing looks of the elderly who can only see the lives wasted Nothing good will come from listening and so Levi doesn't do so, he only watches Erwin's back and its subtle movements and even though he has already closed his ears to the world, he knows Erwin has not. 

**

Things finally start to look up again when they get Eren. 

It has been hard, for all of them, but most of all to Erwin. Levi can see it, the decisions weighing on the older man, the way his eyes sometimes grow dark an weary when he thinks no-one is watching. It often happen while he is watching the new recruits, young men and women who are nothing but girls and boys yet, the lives his command will end at the first expedition. Levi doesn't like it, the way Erwin thinks but he understands it just fine so he says nothing. Levi keeps quiet and waits for the orders from Erwin, waits for him to show him the right path and then follows through. And with Eren, they now have hope, new kind of hope of rebuilt, a chance to reclaim wall Maria. It sounds almost too good to be true and while Levi doesn't believe in wishful thinking, he can't help but to give in this time.

Levi stares up at the night sky, at the stars twinkling above him and leans back to the stable wall. There is no-one out here, everyone else is in their beds, trying to sleep but unable to do so, with the first expedition of the new recruits already tomorrow. Levi can't sleep either but it is nothing new and he doesn't mind, he prefers staying up anyway, is used to it. The night is clear and beautiful and he inhales the soft air, takes in the night. It's quiet too, not even the horses making noise, nice and peaceful until heavy footsteps break the silence. Levi looks to his right, a little tense now, but he relaxes immediately upon seeing Erwin.

The commander is out of uniform, sort of, he only wears his shirt and his pants and his boots, and of course that strange tie, and Levi watches him with lazy, alert eyes as Erwin strolls closer. He wonders if the commander is looking for him or if he is here by accident, but he doesn't ask, not even as Erwin stops in front of him and looks at him questioningly. He doesn't expect a salute and Levi doesn't offer one, he never does, never has after that one night. 

”Can't sleep?” Erwin asks even though the answer is painfully obvious for both of them.

Levi shakes his head and then shrugs as Erwin asks if it is alright to join him. Levi doesn't own the stables or even this wall, Erwin is always welcome to join him. He does sneak a look at Erwin's face though, admires the way the cold light paints his features and again curses his wretched heart for betraying him like this. It's beating a little faster again, a little louder, and eventually Levi looks up at the stars again. It's much safer that way. 

The silence that settles on them is a comfortable one. Levi stands still, looking at the stars and so does Erwin, and they stand like that for a good while, neither moving, neither speaking up. A horse kicks a wall inside the stables and then it is silent again, for a few more minutes before Erwin shifts a little and Levi can feel it, the words coming up.

”Nervous?”

Levi shakes his head again.  
”No.”

Something is different, about this reckon mission, he can feel it but he doesn't say it. Erwin will tell him if it's important, and that is all he needs.

”Good”, Erwin says and his smile bleeds into his voice. It's a small one, the smile, but it almost reaches his eyes as he watches Levi.

Levi regrets looking back at Erwin the moment his breath catches and his heart skips another beat. Erwin is beautiful, even now, even with the worries weighing on him, the death and tomorrow, bags under his eyes and face set in thoughtful lines. Even so, Levi can't stop looking at him and there must be something in his eyes, something that betrays him because slowly Erwin's smile fades away and he only looks back at Levi. His eyes are softer than Levi has ever seen them, soft and dark in the night, and something about that look makes Levi want to pour his heart out to the man, to confess everything, to let him know of the forbidden feelings the captain is hiding inside him. The moment is perfect and Levi almost does it, he is so ready, but before he can choose his words another kick echoes in the stables and Erwin looks up, away from Levi, and then steps back.

The moment is broken and Levi is left only relieved as he bids Erwin good night and heads back inside. It is foolish of him, to believe Erwin would ever return his feelings, and he is not sure he wants it, either. He doesn't want to burden Erwin any more, not with another thing to worry about, so he closes his eyes and he closes his heart and the next day, as they saddle their horses Levi is nothing but professional, his heart holding the steady beat even as Erwin looks at him one last time before they ride out.

**

 

The knock on his door rouses Levi from the fitful sleep he has barely reached, curled up in an arm chair in the corner of his ascetic room. It's a hasty one, the knock, rapid and sharp, and Levi flies to his feet and grabs his pants from where he folded them in the evening. No-one bothers him at night, not unless something is wrong, unless something bad is happening and he needs to know about it. He in such a hurry that he doesn't even have his shirt buttoned when he pulls his door open. 

Erwin steps inside, his jaw clenched and face set in hard lines, fully dressed though hastily so, his hair almost as immaculate is ever. His shirt isn't properly tucked and he has missed a spot on the back of his head while combing his hair, Levi notes, there are a few strands out of place and that is how he knows something is wrong. So very very wrong. He feels something cold settle inside him, twisting his gut and clenching around his heart and he stands up a little straighter still, in full attention now. His muscles have all tensed up and he is ready to fight, to spring to action at even the slightest hint form Erwin. I doesn't matter that he doesn't know who to fight, he doesn't need to, he trusts Erwin to point him in the right direction. However, with the way Erwin is looking at him, Levi can think of only one thing, only one option, and he hates to admit that it scares him.

”Levi, I need you to listen to me”, Erwin states with tight, low voice, the strain so obvious it makes Levi's ears hurt.  
”They found out about us.”

Levi doesn't need to ask who 'they' are, he already knows. The crown, the king and his men, those loyal to the old king and keen on never changing the monarchical system they live in. The military police, that bastard Nile and his soldiers. Erwin doesn't need to say anything else, Levi already knows why he is here. They are coming, coming for Erwin, to stop the revolution before it can rise to the streets and go after the king's head. It's a possibility they have discussed before if only briefly, but Levi knows Erwin has thought of this so many times before, considered every angle and every possible outcome. Maybe that's why he doesn't look frightened, why his shoulders are squared and his jaw held high, his eyes nothing but calm and calculating. He isn't looking for a way out, isn't looking for an escape. He already knows what they are going to do.

Levi's eyes finally stray from Erwin and his gaze flickers to his gear waiting by the armchair, he never sleeps without it close these days, never. It's clean but clearly worn, the metal no longer sparkling like the new ones straight out of the factory. It's well used and well taken care of, and Levi is about to go put it on when Erwin speaks up again.

”No, Levi”, Erwin says, his voice still strained but with a hint of softness curling around the edges of his words. It's the kind of voice Levi has never heard him use on anyone else, it's only for him.  
”You won't.”

Levi is still again, his eyes back on Erwin's, and while Erwin keeps talking he finds it hard to concentrate on the commander's words. All he can think of is how this might be the last time he will ever feel Erwin touching him, how there might never again be a chance for him to reach out and kiss Erwin, how he might never again have those blue eyes looking at him. It fills Levi with regret so strong his knees almost buckle but he won't let them, he is stronger than that. He is a soldier, humanity's strongest, Erwin's greatest asset and even if he will never be anything more than that to the commander he is happy, or at least he used to think so. 

Now he wishes he could open his mouth and say the words, let Erwin know of the suffocating emotions rushing through him, tell him what he has been doing to Levi for all these years, but Levi knows he can't. Not now, it is too late, for both him and Erwin.

”...and you will let them do it. This is an order, Levi. Forget everything I have told you about my plans. I have left behind documents that will clear your name, make them believe I fooled you as well. You are far too valuable to be hanged, you are humanity's strongest, they will not hang you. And once I'm dead, you will force through this revolution and take over the capital, but for now... You'll stand down, no matter what I say or do. Do you understand?”

”Yes, sir.” Levi understands all too well. He can see it so clearly it hurts but he can't let it get to him, not now, not yet. Erwin is making the greatest sacrifice of all here, by giving the crown his own life he buys them time and he makes the others believe the revolution will die without its leader. By telling Levi to stand down he buys the younger man his life. And when Levi looks into Erwin's eyes again he knows, he just knows, that this is how Erwin had planned it all along. 

”Good.” The look on Erwin's face shifts just a little, just enough for Levi to notice, and the change scares him more than anything ever has. 

He doesn't get a chance to say a thing about it. Not that he wants to, either, not like this, not now. Maybe, if things had played out differently for them, he might have, but right now he can only watch and listen as his world explodes around him with loud shouting in the halls and then there are people rushing in through the door and it goes against every fiber of Levi's being to stand still and watch as they take Erwin away. 

The rest of the night plays out in utter and complete chaos. There is military police everywhere, yanking people from their beds, arresting them and screaming of treason and treachery. It's like a titan attack, like Wall Maria all over again, except this time they can't fight, Levi is not allowed to take action, he can only watch. They take Erwin away first and then others. Levi too, and he goes along, doesn't put up a fight, only snaps at the bastard who thinks it's alright to push him when they don't think he moves fast enough. His feet feel heavy as lead while his head is light, so light, light enough to he almost believes he's living a dream, a nightmare. But he is not.

The days that follow feel as long as years. There is talking, so much of it, Levi fears his ears will fall off, and time and time he again he tells them he knows nothing of the plans, nothing but minor details and even those are wrong. Commander Smith isn't stupid, he tells them, he wouldn't share his plans with someone like me, he wouldn't have wanted me to get caught up in his scheming. I'm just a soldier, he tells them, not a strategist or a politician, just a weapon. It is no use telling me of strategies, I only need to know when to attack. He keeps telling them this, over and over again, and finally they give up. Levi is not sure why it is, but they tell him he is cleared and after the execution of the former commander Erwin Smith he is free to go back to the Survey Corps. 

Later he learns that they found Erwin's papers, a letter that talks about getting rid of Levi, of using him for the revolution and then throwing him away like a dulled weapon, of sacrificing him to the cause. Levi knows they're all lies, he knows Erwin would never write things like these down should they be true, but they don't, and that's what saves him. That, and the sacrifice Erwin makes.

They talk of the execution with dark, bristling voices as if they feel it is perfectly justified, as if it is not the greatest hope humanity has ever had getting a rope around his neck in a day. They know they shouldn't be excited but they are, they can hardly wait for the hanging, they'll all be there to watch, maybe their families will too. And while Levi knows it's not their fault, not really, that if he has to blame someone he should blame those feeding these soldiers the lies, for making Erwin the criminal, he still hates them. It curls in the pit of his stomach, dark and dangerous, and it is only because of Erwin's words ( _”Stand down.”_ ) that he is able to keep still. He could easily break their legs so they could not come to the execution, he could poke out their eyes to make sure they couldn't see it. He could tear out their tongues so they could never again say a word about Erwin, and he would enjoy it too, somewhere deep and dark inside him. But he does nothing. Levi stands still and breathes in deep and waits for the day to come when he can show them how wrong they truly are.

The day of the hanging dawns bright, with sun shining from a clear blue sky, not a single cloud to be seen. It's a beautiful day, warm but not too much so, but Levi can't see it. He walks towards the town square, with two men of the unicorns on his both sides, keeping watch. It's a public event, the hanging, and while Levi knows it's a mistake, he says nothing. He has nothing to say, not to these bastard, not to the men guarding him or the gleeful faces swarming everywhere around him, shuffling to the same direction with him. 

The guards around him don't speak either. Levi doesn't know if it's because they don't want to or because they have been told not to, but he doesn't care. They shouldn't even be here, technically he is a free man but they won't risk it, they can't take the chance that Levi will do something desperate in attempt to save the commander at the last minute. Quietly Levi thinks it's the only smart thing they have done the whole day. 

He would have wanted to see Erwin one final time but he doesn't dare to ask, not anymore, not after the first denial. Levi knows they would only deny his requests, again and again, and then suspect him of trying something, so Levi keeps quiet and hopes, no, believes that Erwin has a plan, something he hasn't told any of them, that somehow he will make it out of this. Levi hopes for the best but prepares for the worst as he walks past the gallows towards a pedestal of sorts that has been erected at the other end of the square. 

He sees Hanji already standing there, uncharacteristically serious and tense, along with a few other soldiers, and suddenly his feet feel so heavy he almost trips on them. He doesn't want to climb up there. It's a cruel little thing, that ledge, as it has been built only to give them a better view of their dying commander. It's a warning and Levi knows it, it's meant to force them to watch and to remind them that if they get as stupid as Erwin they will be next, and climbing those stairs to his viewing place feels almost impossible. It would be easier to climb up to where Erwin will stand in a few minutes.

But no matter how much he does not want to do it, his legs keep moving, his feet climb the stairs one at a time, steady but not slow, and then he is up there next to Hanji and he can't look at her, he can't, but still he feels her gaze on him, serious and sympathetic and even pitying, and he doesn't want to see it. He doesn't need Hanji's pity, or anyone else's for that matter, he doesn't need anything anymore except a miracle, something to save Erwin from his fate.

But Levi's quota of miracles has long since ran out. It is suddenly very quiet, all the chatter dies down, only a single bird sings in the silence, an eerie little dirge for the man they have finally brought out to light. It's quiet but the air is still buzzing with energy, the nervous, excited kind, even as Erwin walks down towards the gallows, with a handful of soldiers around him, his hand bound behind his back.

He looks slimmer, Levi notes as he watches Erwin climb up the stairs to the scaffold. Slimmer and a little pale as if he hasn't been outside in a little while. It's probably true but Levi doesn't want to think about it, doesn't want to imagine Erwin held in a dungeon like that when he has done nothing to deserve it. 

Other than that Erwin looks fine. His hair is clean and combed the same silly way Levi has always seen it, not a single strand out of place from what he can tell, and his clothes are clean and pressed and they look new. Even though they have stripped Erwin of all the military insignia, it seems they are allowing him to go with dignity, in clean clothes and washed face, not like a dirty criminal in his rags. Erwin walks with his head held high, his only hand shackled to an iron belt around his waist, and his eyes roam the crowd. It almost looks as if he is trying to catch the eye of each and every man and woman around the scaffold, everyone but...

And then he looks up. Erwin is standing in place, the noose hanging in front of him, a little bit to the left of his face, his back straight and chin up and he looks straight forward into Levi's eyes. 

Levi sees something flash in the endless blue depths that are Erwin's eyes, so blue that they match the sky above as if they were made of mirror glass, and unlike a long time ago Levi no longer thinks of them as hard and cold, no. Erwin's eyes, for the briefest moment, mirror all the warmth and the freedom the sky has to offer, the promise of hope and safety. Then they change again and his lips part to form words that Levi barely has the time to catch. 

_Don't look._

Levi blinks and his eyes snap back to Erwin's. The way the respectable eyebrows knit together tells him that is an order.

”Does the convict have any last words?” The judge has finished reading the sentence and his question pierces the air like an arrow. It's sharp enough that it tears Erwin's eyes away from Levi's and back to the crowd in front of him, all waiting to see him hanging in the rope, uninterested in whatever he might want to say, seeing it only as a distraction.

The stump of Erwin's right arm shifts slightly. To everyone else it probably looks like nothing else but a harmless, involuntary twitch but Levi knows better. He has seen the movement so many times he would recognize it anywhere, Erwin moving his right hand to the military salute, his fist offering his heart to humanity, to their fight for freedom. Levi can almost see it, the hand, but of course it's not here, hasn't been in a long, long time, and then Erwin is speaking and Levi can do nothing but listen.

Erwin speaks about freedom, about fear, about the walls and what is beyond them. He speaks of justice, of corruption, of righteousness and finally he speaks of his own sentence, all of these with so much conviction Levi can feel the mood in the marketplace shift and even the king looks slightly restless now. Erwin is as good with his words as he has ever been and this time sparse too, so sparse no-one can stop him, and once he is done he only stands there, every bit the commander he has been for the last years, convincing and formidable even without his uniform. The silence left by his words hang heavy on the marketplace, no-one dares to speak, not after Erwin, not after his speech. And indeed, no-one does raise their voice when the executioner steps forward, drawing all the attention to himself.

It's quite ironic, really, Levi thinks as he watches Erwin climb onto a small stool on top of the hatch underneath the hanging noose. All these years he has obeyed every order Erwin has given him, no matter how strange or unappealing, he has been Erwin's to command in all ways but one and even that he would have given Erwin had the commander been willing to take it. He remembers the only other time he has went against Erwin's words but the memory no longer sparks any anger or hatred in him, only respect. 

All these years he has done everything Erwin asked him to, and now, during the final moments of the commander's life, he is about to defy a direct order, Erwin's last.

Because no matter what Erwin has said, Levi will look, and look he does. He sees the noose placed around Erwin's neck and he sees the way Erwin looks at the crowd one last time and then at the king before casting his eyes towards the sky, the freedom, without another look at Levi or Hanji. Levi bites his lip, more out of habit than anything else, it is not like he really feels anything anymore. There is something cold inside him, something that keeps him from feeling anything, really, it's only cold and hard and somehow hollow, as if he is not really even here, as if this is a dream or maybe he is dead himself, nothing but a ghost waiting for Erwin to join him in death. As if it is his heart at the gallows, waiting to be hanged but somehow already dead. For a passing moment he wishes it was so, that he has already ceased to exist and they could be together in the afterlife, but then the moment is gone and Levi knows he has to live. Erwin has told him to, and he will, and he will make sure this has not been in vain.

There is noise again, just a little, a few hushed words and whispers that ripple through the crowd like little waves. Erwin keeps his eyes on the sky, his face stern, unreadable, handsome yet distant. Despite the cold inside him, Levi is suddenly full of fear, full of words he has left unsaid and wishes he hasn't. One more time, just one, alone with Erwin, it's all he needs, but he knows it's useless now. He shouldn't wish for it but he does, and he knows he should have taken the chance when he had it. Now it's too late, for them both.

A heavy hand falls on his shoulder. He doesn't need to look, he knows Hanji's hands well enough, the weight of her grip, the way her fingers dig into his shoulder as if she's drowning and he is the only thing keeping her afloat. It hurts but Levi doesn't complain, doesn't shake it off, he does nothing, nothing but stares at Erwin. He barely feels the pain anymore.

Silence, then a creak from the platform and someone in the crowd shrieks as Erwin falls. The shrill sound pierces the stale, still air like a dying scream of a wild animal and then it is silent again, for a moment, before the crowd begins bustling, craining their necks, to get a good look at what is left of Commander Erwin Smith.

Erwin dangles at the end of the rope, silent and still, swaying slightly from the force of his own fall. He is no longer breathing, the yank of the noose has broken his neck and Levi is grateful for it, more so than he has ever been. He remembers every second of it, the pull of the lever, the slight widening of those sky blue eyes and Levi wishes he has imagined it, the way they lock with his for a fracture of a second. But it is not his imagination, and neither is the realization that dawns in Erwin's eyes, and then he is falling, hard and fast and sudden and the words die on both their lips, bitter as acid. They burn, and so do his eyes and Levi blinks against the tears but there are none. He is cold, again, and without another look at the body hanging on the rope he turns and walks away, down the steps to the ground level.

It is gone, his defiance, his fight. There is none of it left in him, in his body, nothing but the will to do Erwin's bidding. Levi has nothing in him but what Erwin has given him, his words, his will to fight, his thirst for freedom and justice. The commander has given him orders, and Levi squares his shoulders and raises his chin as he walks through the crowd, his eyes on the sky above. He has disobeyed, not once but twice, but now it is gone, and in the emptiness inside him there is nothing left but the words Erwin said to him during their final moments together. 

_”And once I'm dead, you will drive through this revolution.”_

They nest inside him, gaining strength, feeding on the faces of fascination and glee and disgust and sorrow and doubt around him, and once Levi gets to the outskirts of the crowd on the clearing, he knows exactly what he will do. It's another leap of faith at Erwin's command and he has to trust Erwin to catch him even though he is no longer here.

_”You will trust me and my judgement, and that way, Levi, we will win.”_

**Author's Note:**

> Here's [my tumblr](http://daftd.tumblr.com), feel free to come and say hi or chat about Eruri or your day or anything you can think about!


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